Wait for it…

Living a simple sweet life, and learning to wait on the Lord

Fragile October 4, 2008

Filed under: Learning — Michelle @ 12:15 am

I feel fragile this week.  There have been wonderful moments, like Ryan’s birthday, and our train field trip with Master’s Kids.  SO much to be thankful for.  And I am thankful…thoughtful…it has just been one of those weeks when tears are close by, and Eeyeore’s little rain cloud seems to be right there over my head, no matter which way I turn.  I don’t usually blog when I’m feeling sad…if I’ve had a hard day, I’ll wait until it’s over with and I’m a little more balanced.  But it’s Friday (almost Saturday), and that “balance” hasn’t come quite yet.  So I thought I would just go ahead and practice being vulnerable by opening up to my blog readers about where I am right now.  There’s a part of me that is afraid to publish this post.  What is so hard for me seems small in comparison to the trials of others, and I don’t want to be a drama queen.  But for a reason that only God knows, this is my trial.  Maybe I’ll publish this and then delete it later.  But for now…   

 

Here’s what contributed to “fragile”:

 

Earlier this week, “Miss Lori” on PBS Kids was asking the kid tv viewers if they had little brothers or sisters.  I was in the kitchen, but I heard Jack answer, “No, but I weely weely want to have one.”

That made my heart hurt.

 

Sometimes, even when my brain knows what is true about God– about His goodness, His timing, His perfect plan…even when I know what is true about my life– that I am blessed beyond what I deserve in the gift of salvation and the hope of heaven, that I have an incredible husband, a sweet son, wonderful family and friends…even then it is hard.  Hard to wait for something my heart desires.  Something that is a GOOD thing.  Something that seems so easy for so many people.  And it is hard to fight off the lies that threaten to seep in…lies that say that God doesn’t care…that he forgot…

  

Below is something I read that reminded me of the good nature of trials.  Without them I would be “cold, worldly, and unspiritual.”  But through them I am learning.  Learning to love God’s ways more than mine.  Learning that this trial, this pain, isn’t a mistake, but is God’s way of drawing me closer to Him…making me more and more dependent on Him.  These truths are what I’m clinging to, even when the feelings aren’t there…even when it hurts.  My grip feels weak, but I’m clinging as hard as I can and trusting that God won’t let me go.

 

“The Ministry of Comfort”

(J. R. Miller, 1898)

Before I was afflicted I went astray–but
 now I keep Your word
.” Psalm 119:67

 

Most of us need the chastening of affliction.
Pain is a wonderful revealer. It teaches us many
things we never could have known, if we had
not been called to endure it. It opens windows
through which we see, as we never saw before
–the beautiful things of God’s love.

Many of the finest things in character, are the
fruits of pain
. Many a Christian enters trial–cold,
worldly, unspiritual–and emerges from the
experience a little later, with spirit softened,
mellowed, and spiritually enriched.

Sanctified afflictions soften the harshness and
sharpness of one’s character. They consume the
dross of selfishness and worldliness. They humble
pride. They temper carnal ambitions. They quell
fierce passions. They show to us the evil of our
own heart, revealing our weaknesses, faults, and
blemishes–and making us aware of our spiritual
danger. They discipline the wayward spirit.

Sorrow draws its sharp ploughshare through the
heart, cutting deep and long furrows–and the
heavenly Sower follows with the seeds of godly
virtues. Then by and by, fruits of righteousness
spring up.

Sorrow has a tenderizing influence. It makes us
gentle and kindly toward each other. In no other
school, do our hearts learn the lessons of patience,
tolerance, and forbearance so quickly–as in the
school of suffering.

 

It was good for me to be afflicted–so that
 I  could learn Your statutes
.” Psalm 119:71

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9 Responses to “Fragile”

  1. Veronica Says:

    Hey Michelle,
    Thanks for posting that…I’m glad you decided to (at least for now). I often have the same feelings, and for what it’s worth, it is encouraging to know that someone else is there too. I am praying for you my friend!!
    ~Veronica

  2. Sam Neylan Says:

    much grace to you. awesome post and tender vulnerability.
    I miss you and love you and trust God in you!

  3. Becky Says:

    Thanks, Michelley. I love your vulnerability and I’m glad God gave you the courage to post this. I understand what you mean about not wanting to draw attention to your own suffering, but invariably, God uses your suffering to encourage others…you comfort them with the comfort you yourself have received from God. Not only does your suffering soften and shape you, but it also ministers to others and points them toward Christ. Thank you.

  4. ahrcanum Says:

    That’s a good description– fragile. Some days I feel like the fall leaves; so fragile and going where ever the blowing wind takes me. And it isn’t such a bad feeling…..

  5. Laura Says:

    I agree with Becky…God has ministered to me through this post as my heart empathizes with yours and yearns for the same desire. May we cling to the promises of who we know God to be, continue to acknowledge our complete and utter dependance on Him, and ask boldly in faith that He will answer our prayers….according to His will. I love you so much dear friend and am praying with you. I so look forward to spending time together next weekend….seriously, may the worship of our Lord, through fellowship of our girls time together, encourage and strengthen us. Love you.

  6. Michelle-

    Thanks for your example of being ‘soft’ toward God’s work in your life. Please e-mail me your e-mail address so we can chat more…

  7. Lana G! Says:

    praying and can’t wait to see you up here – may it be a balm for you…

  8. Polly Meredith Says:

    I love you, Michelle! I pray for your family every day!

  9. mindy Says:

    Thank you for your post. Even though it brought tears to my eyes, it ministered to my heart. I appreciate your vulnerability. It is so hard to continue to trust sometimes. But I truly pray that God will use all of our trials and sadnesses to “discipline our wayward spirits” and make us more like Him. I pray for you guys often! I love you dearly!


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